You know the task will take five minutes. You've done it before. You know exactly how to do it. There's nothing complicated about it. And yet... you can't make yourself start. It's not the task. The task is easy. It's everything *around* the task. The guilt from not doing it sooner. The memory of struggling with it before. The fear of messing it up again. The shame of being someone who can't just *do* a simple thing. That pile of emotions? It has a name. It's called the **Wall of Awful.** ## What Is the Wall of Awful? The Wall of Awful is a concept created by ADHD coach [Brendan Mahan](https://www.adhdessentials.com/essentials/the-wall-of-awful/). It describes the invisible emotional barrier that stands between you and tasks you need to do. Here's the key insight: **the wall isn't about the task.** It's about every negative emotion you've ever experienced around that type of task. Every time you tried and failed. Every disappointed look. Every "why can't you just..." comment. Every time you beat yourself up for not being able to do what seems easy for everyone else. All of that builds up. Brick by brick. Until a 5-minute task feels like climbing a mountain. And here's the thing: it doesn't matter if those experiences were "that bad" objectively. What matters is how they felt to you. Your brain doesn't distinguish between a small failure and a big one when it's building this wall. Everyone has a Wall of Awful. But ADHD brains tend to build bigger ones. Not because we're more sensitive. Because we fail more often, usually at the same things, over and over. That's a lot of bricks. ## How the Wall Gets Built The wall starts with failure. Something doesn't go the way you wanted. That failure creates guilt. "I should have done better." The guilt, repeated enough times, becomes disappointment. "I keep letting myself down." Disappointment invites rejection. "People are frustrated with me." And rejection, over time, hardens into shame. Here's the difference: guilt says "I made a mistake." Shame says "I *am* the mistake." When the mistake feels like *having ADHD*, those shame bricks become almost impossible to remove on your own. ### The Bricks in Your Wall | Brick | What it sounds like | |-------|---------------------| | **Failure** | "I've tried this before and it didn't work" | | **Guilt** | "I should have done this already" | | **Disappointment** | "I keep letting myself down" | | **Rejection** | "People are tired of my excuses" | | **Anxiety** | "What if I fail again?" | | **Shame** | "I'm the kind of person who can't do simple things" | Each brick makes the wall taller. Each failure adds more weight. And the taller the wall, the harder it is to even *think* about the task on the other side. ## Why ADHD Walls Are Bigger [Research shows](https://add.org/adhd-paralysis/) that up to 80% of adults with ADHD struggle with chronic task avoidance. Compare that to about 20% of the general population. That's not because we're lazier or less motivated. It's because: **We fail more often.** Executive function challenges mean more dropped balls, missed deadlines, and forgotten commitments. More failures = more bricks. **We feel it more intensely.** [Studies suggest](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9821724/) 34-70% of adults with ADHD experience emotional dysregulation. The same failure that bounces off someone else hits us harder and sticks longer. **We remember it longer.** That thing you messed up three years ago? Your brain treats it like it happened yesterday. Another brick. The Wall of Awful isn't a character flaw. It's the natural result of living in a world that wasn't designed for how your brain works. The wall isn't your fault. But understanding it is the first step to shrinking it. ## What Doesn't Work Before we talk about what helps, let's clear out what doesn't. **Staring at the wall.** Sitting and thinking about all the reasons you can't start. Analyzing every brick. Getting overwhelmed by the size of it. This just makes you feel worse and accomplishes nothing. **Going around the wall.** Avoiding the task entirely. Telling yourself you'll do it later. Finding other things to do instead. (Hello, Netflix.) The wall doesn't shrink when you ignore it. It just waits. **Forcing through the wall.** White-knuckling it. Using anger or frustration to power through. This might work occasionally, but it adds more negative emotions to the pile. You're building the wall higher for next time. None of these address the actual problem: the emotions in the wall. ## What Actually Helps The good news: the Wall of Awful can shrink. Not by forcing past it, but by working with it. Here are five approaches that actually help. ### A Note on Timing The wall is usually tallest right before you start. Once you're actually doing the task, it often feels... fine. Even easy. This is why strategies that help you *get started* are so powerful. You're not trying to make the whole task easier. You're just trying to get over (or through, or around) that initial wall. If [starting tasks feels impossible](/blog/why-you-cant-start-tasks-adhd), the Wall of Awful might be why. And a [dopamine menu](/blog/how-to-build-dopamine-menu) can help you put a door in it. ## The Wall Can Shrink Here's what most people don't realize: the Wall of Awful isn't permanent. Every time you successfully complete a task that had a wall around it, that wall gets a little shorter. You're not just finishing a task. You're proving to your brain that this thing is survivable. The shame brick from three years ago? It loses power when you have a recent success to compare it to. The anxiety about failing again? It softens when you have evidence that you *can* do this. It takes time. It takes repetition. But walls can absolutely shrink. ## FAQ ## One Brick at a Time You don't have to demolish the whole wall today. You don't have to understand every brick or process every emotion. You just have to get to the other side, once. Then once more. Then again. Think of one task you've been avoiding. Instead of forcing yourself to do it, ask: "What emotions are in my wall for this?" Name them out loud. Guilt? Shame? Fear? Just naming them takes away some of their power. That's a start. The wall is real. The emotions in it are real. But so is your ability to climb it. One brick at a time.

Posts tagged “emotional-regulation”

The Wall of Awful: Why Easy Tasks Feel Impossible with ADHD